It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
