hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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