did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
