Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
