i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize