I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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