You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
