I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
