How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
