Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize