Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
