I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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