i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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