My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
