I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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