Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
