As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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