After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
