I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who died my cat blue again?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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