my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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