Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was born a porn star she said
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize