Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
