he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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