3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
