and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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