Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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