Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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