my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
