So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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