so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
