I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
