oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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