WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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