I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
