I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
