I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
