i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
