that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
