guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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