I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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