Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
