Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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