Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
