I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
