brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
