eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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