I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
