if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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