If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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