Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
