if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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