Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
