Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Houston, we have a squirter
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
