you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
