Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
