My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
