Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
