meet me or not, i'm out of control
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
