Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
