I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
