Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
