the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
