my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
