I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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