I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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