Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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