I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
