I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
