my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
