eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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