i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
