I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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