i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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