I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am available for nakedness
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
