dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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