I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
