U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
