ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
