Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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