Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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