Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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