Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
