I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize