I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
