HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
