but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
