I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
