At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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