Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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