The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
