he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
