I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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