8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
