making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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