tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
