I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
