Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
