Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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