i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize