shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
