Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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