Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
