I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize