I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm too high and old for this...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
