I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
