Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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