She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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